Can Purell be used as lube?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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