A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
