she takes plan B like it's going out of style
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my shit smells like andre
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
