i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
