i permit you to call me
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
