just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
