I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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