3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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