i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
