He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
