the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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