They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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