She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
