I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
two words...techno handjob
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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