so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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