Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize