the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
