I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
