girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
