The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
