i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Barsexuality is the new black.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
