A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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