I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
