she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
