we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
