Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
