If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
