Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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