his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
