I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
