i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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