I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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