craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
