bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
