Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize