And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
