Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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