There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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