i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
