ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We are two peas in an std pod
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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