Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
worst night to have a conscience
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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