Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
