I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
