oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
