If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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