As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
