and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
