Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
