i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
