My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize