It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
