So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Sext me about skeletons
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
