So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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