I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
