Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
