New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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