Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
