True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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