i may or may not be watching the land before time
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
