College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
