I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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