I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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