I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
