apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
