I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
