we have pet lesbian snakes
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
