I'm gonna have a badass scar
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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