I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
