So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize