You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
id be glad to
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
