So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize