Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
