i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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