I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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