after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
