She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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